Okay so if it isn't obvious by now...

...the Son of God is a terrible blogger. Listen, you try saving the world, dying for people's sins, healing lepers, and all that other good stuff I have to do on a daily basis, as WELL as holding on to a job, having a social life, etc.... see how easy it is to find the time to post on here. But here is a solemn promise from the Alpha and Omega (A to the O?) Himself: I swear to Dad that I will at least try to post a little more often on here.

Sincerely,
Hayzeus Kriest (no? worth a shot...)

Jesus backs the Jets!

Well duh. Who the Hell else would I back but the underdog? Heck, I've been a Bills fan since like the year 3!

Dad and I have a bet going today. He bet Me 30 pieces of silver that the Colts were going to win by 10. Now, He's always had a serious interest in Peyton Manning, and when Dad takes a serious interest in your career, you do things like win four MVP awards. Well, I hate to break it to you Peyton, but having my Dad on your side isn't going to be enough for you today. This time when the Jets pull out the win (or at least cover the spread), and thank Me after every touchdown, they're actually going to be right in giving me all the credit.

Because today, Jesus is a Jets fan!

xoxoxo

Jesus "Revis" Christ

P.S. I'm officially laying a curse on Brett Favre. May he throw at least three interceptions, and may no team sign him next offseason when he decides to come out of retirement for the 37th time. No one cares anymore about how you just looooove to play football Brett.

Jesus is with CoCo!

So it's official now. Known Satan-client (that's right, We keep records up top when you people sign deals with the Devil) Jay Leno has succeeded in pushing Conan O'Brien off of the Tonight Show.

I was on the phone with the Old Man last night, and We were both just giggling Our asses off watching Conan rip into NBC. Seriously, he's one funny motherfucker. During one of the commercials, Dad and I got to talking about the sort of people who actually find Jay Leno funny. So Pops dug out the ol' record book, and it turns out that there is actually a correlation between those who laugh at Jay's jokes and those who are pure evil!

Now, that's not to say that everyone who finds Jay funny is automatically damned to burn in a lake of fire for all eternity. Having any sort of sense of humour whatsoever isn't required in order to have a good soul. But there certainly does seem to be a lot of overlap between those without an ounce of comedic taste (aka Leno fans), and those who find themselves headed south when their time is up here on Earth.

So what we've decided to do is our own version of profiling - anyone who watches Jay Leno is in for some serious added scrutiny before We decide where they're going after they die. It's kind of like what they do at the airport when they cavity search guys with Muslim-sounding names, only instead of looking up your ass because your name is Mohammad We'll be looking deep into your soul because you thought Headlines was hilarious.

I suggest all you Chin backers start volunteering at soup kitchens or giving blood three times a week, otherwise you might wind up pretty fucked.

This old fuck is going to Hell

Yeah, Jesus uses salty language. Get over it.

Anyway this was actually what inspired Me to get My hands dirty and start trying to fix all the crap people do and say in My name. The Old Man and I never much cared for Pat Robertson even at the best of times, and this was the straw that broke the camel's back:

Dad and I talked about it the other day, and We both decided that this dude had to go. So enjoy it while it lasts, Pat, because you're going to be taking one Hell (get it?) of a tropical vacation when you finally keel over.